Editing Shidduchin (section)

== Laws and Customs in Shidduchim ==

==== Waiting in Shidduchim ====
A shidduch of a younger sibling before an older brother, or younger sister before an older sister, is possible if the older sibling agreed and gave complete forgiveness, wholeheartedly, to the younger sibling. It is best if the forgiveness is in writing or before witnesses.

Nevertheless, when a younger sibling becomes engaged before the older one, it is advisable to: a) delay the wedding date as much as possible, in case the older sibling becomes engaged meanwhile, b) the parents should set aside money for the older sibling's wedding expenses.

A shidduch of a younger sister before her brother is possible, since brothers and sisters are two separate queues for shidduchim, and they are not dependent on each other.

When there is an appropriate shidduch suggestion but one side doesn't want to hear about it currently and wishes to wait a long time, it is not advisable to wait and bind both sides to this specific shidduch suggestion.

==== Inquiries ====
When making inquiries about potential shidduch matches, one must be very careful not to provide unnecessary information that could constitute loshon hara, not to mislead the parties with inaccurate information, and various other halachic details.

Therefore, one should focus mainly on presenting the qualities and strengths of the potential matches. When in doubt whether to share certain information, one should consult with a Rav.

==== Shidduch Meetings ====
Shidduch meetings should be conducted calmly and without rushing, and it is inappropriate to make such a fundamental decision as establishing a Jewish home within just one week.

When there is doubt and uncertainty about attraction, the Rebbe advises taking a break to check if this brings calmness to the parties, or if it awakens in them a renewed anticipation to meet again.

For the meetings themselves, the Rebbe instructs to discuss not only general aspects of family life, but to delve into practical details such as setting times for Torah study, location and quantity of shiurim, manner of dress, and more.

==== Shidduch with a Bas Kohen ====
If a Yisroel is entering into a shidduch with a Bas Kohen, "he needs to increase his strength in his Torah learning and shiurim, in order to approach the level of at least a talmid chacham according to his ability." Among the instructions the Rebbe gave are: attempting to complete all six sedarim of Mishnayos if there are several months until the wedding, and if the wedding is soon, at least one or two sedarim. In any case, one should learn Maseches Kallah. Additionally, one should become knowledgeable at least in the content of one of the smaller masechtos in Shas, and if possible, also in the necessary laws in Kitzur Shulchan Aruch.