Editing Shidduchin (section)

==== The Essential and Secondary ====
Marriage is a primary and central event in a person's life, an event that leaves its mark on the entire course of life, therefore:

One should decide on a shidduch with patience and settled mind, not hastily.

An important factor in deciding on a shidduch is attraction of the heart. Meaning, it's not enough to understand and agree intellectually that the shidduch is good and suitable, but there needs to be an inclination and attraction of the heart, or at least an assessment that over time there will be attraction of the heart.

When there are various factors creating pressure to agree to the shidduch proposal, like parents' pain and distress etc., these factors should not be the decisive weight in deciding on the shidduch. When there is no inclination in the heart, and all the more so when there is no understanding and agreement intellectually - one should not respond positively to the shidduch proposal.

Before deciding on the shidduch there needs to be a firm and strong decision by both sides - to build a faithful home on foundations of Torah and mitzvos.

One should not delay a shidduch because of financial issues, like finding livelihood or an apartment, but should have complete bitachon in Hashem that He will help find an apartment and livelihood abundantly.

If the spiritual state of the proposed match is proper, and they intend to establish a home fully based on Torah and mitzvos with yiras shamayim, the Rebbe instructed not to consider the spiritual past, such as birth not in tahara, siblings who left the path of Torah and mitzvos, or divorced parents.