Editing Shidduchin (section)

== Closing the Shidduch ==

==== Mazel Tov ====
It is the minhag of chassidim that after the chosson and kallah agree to the shidduch, they turn to request a bracha and agreement from the Rebbe, and today - this is done by writing to the Rebbe through Igros Kodesh and similar means.

After receiving the "bracha and agreement" from the Rebbe, the shidduch is announced publicly, and mazel tov wishes are extended.

The correct expression to use for the chosson and kallah is - "hishtadchu" or "ba'u b'kishrei hashidduchim" and not "hit'arsu", since "eirusin" means "kiddushin" which only takes place at the wedding, while before the wedding the chosson and kallah are only meshudachim and not me'orasim.

==== The Vort (L'chaim) Celebration ====
After the decision on the shidduch, both families - the chosson's family and kallah's family - gather together with friends and associates for a celebration and farbrengen of simcha.

During the celebration, it is customary to make a "kinyan" regarding the material aspects of the shidduch, and the agreement is made only verbally - "word" (translation of "vort" from Yiddish), without making conditions or writing a document.

During the vort, it is customary for the chosson to say over a maamar Chassidus.

==== Payment to the Shadchan ====
Payment to the shadchan is a halachic obligation, like any payment to a worker who performed labor, and the full requested payment must be made. Even if not agreed upon in advance, one must pay the customary price for this work in that location.

For this reason, when completing the shidduch involved special effort and the like, one should add to the amount.

For any doubt regarding the payment amount, how to split it between the sides, or when more than one shadchan was involved - one should consult with a Rav Moreh Hora'ah on how to proceed.

It is common to interpret the Hebrew acronym for 'shadchan' negatively as: "Sheker Dover Kesef Notel" (speaks falsehood takes money), but there is no permission for a shadchan to lie, and they can only direct attention to and emphasize the positive and strong aspects of the chosson and kallah's personalities.

It is brought down that if the shadchan is particular about not receiving their due payment, it can cause harm, chas v'shalom, to the couple. Therefore, people are careful to pay the shadchan even if they don't demand payment and even explicitly say they don't want money. Nevertheless, we are concerned there shouldn't be damage to the couple, and we also try to satisfy with payment those who assisted with the shidduch. If there were several shadchanim who suggested the shidduch or several who helped complete it - one should clarify with a Rav how much and to whom payment is due.